How to Choose Your First Sex Toy: A Step-by-Step Beginner’s Guide
Choosing your first sex toy can feel exciting — and a little intimidating. With so many shapes, materials, and features to choose from, it’s easy to get overwhelmed. The good news? There’s no “right” choice, just what feels right for you. This guide will help you explore safely, confidently, and with curiosity.
Start with Comfort and Curiosity
Your first toy isn’t about performance — it’s about exploration.
Pick something that feels unintimidating and aligns with what already brings you pleasure.
- If you’re exploring solo, start with something simple like a bullet vibrator or mini massager.
- For couples, try a vibrating ring or massage oil to enhance connection without pressure.
- Avoid anything overly large, mechanical, or complex at first — comfort builds confidence.
For a beginner-friendly breakdown of different toy types, check out Scarleteen’s D.I.Y Sex Toys: Self-Love Edition.
Understand Your Materials
The material of your toy matters more than you might think. It affects texture, hygiene, and safety.
- Silicone: Body-safe, non-porous, soft to touch, and easy to clean — the gold standard.
- Glass and stainless steel: Sleek, firm, and ideal for temperature play.
- Avoid porous materials like jelly rubber or cyberskin unless they’re labeled phthalate-free and cleaned thoroughly.
When in doubt, always choose medical-grade or body-safe products from trusted brands.
For an in-depth look at safe toy materials, the Mayo Clinic’s guide to sexual wellness provides reliable background information.
Think About Sensation, Not Size
It’s tempting to focus on looks, but what matters most is how it feels.
Different designs offer different experiences:
- External stimulation (vibrators, suction toys) helps you discover sensitivity and rhythm.
- Internal toys (dildos, G-spot or prostate massagers) invite deeper exploration once you’re comfortable.
- Dual-purpose toys offer variety and can grow with your confidence.
Start with gentle intensity and adjustable vibration settings — versatility makes all the difference.
If you’d like a broad, inclusive overview of pleasure and anatomy, Scarleteen’s sexuality and body guides are a great place to start.
Add Lube — Always
Even the best toy needs a good lubricant. Lube reduces friction, enhances pleasure, and protects sensitive skin.
- Use water-based lube for silicone toys.
- Silicone-based lube lasts longer but can damage silicone toys — save it for glass or metal options.
- Avoid oil-based lubes unless they’re specifically designed for intimacy.
The Australasian Sexual and Reproductive Health Alliance offers more advice on lubrication and maintaining healthy, safe sexual practices.
Keep It Clean
Hygiene is essential. A clean toy is a safe toy.
- Wash before and after use with warm water and mild soap or a dedicated toy cleaner.
- Dry completely before storing.
- Keep it in a soft bag or separate container to avoid dust and material wear.
For simple, evidence-based hygiene practices, you can read Healthline’s guide to cleaning sex toys.
Listen to Your Body
Exploration should never feel painful or pressured. Take breaks, breathe, and follow your comfort level.
Pleasure is personal — there’s no need to compare or rush.
Remember: curiosity and communication (with yourself or your partner) are what make exploration fulfilling, not the toy itself.